Simple Enough

Ugh! My friends and family have been saying to me for the longest that I should move back home. And what do I say, "Not yet. I don't want to." And it's true, I'm not. But just because I'm not ready to go back home, does that mean that I disqualify myself from having access to them?

I kid you not, my best friend has been M.I.A. for three weeks. As far as I know, she's been abducted by aliens. No call, no message, nothing. Another, has been M.I.A. for over a month. Hmmm... she's still around I know, but where? Is another story.

Another friend has, been missing for weeks as well. And my sister... my own sister... doesn't even call me.

Every one is and I quote, for each and every one of them, "Too Busy." End quote. Ugh! Whatever. People who think they know me, may not really know me... because if they did, they'd know I'm like extra sensitive to you not ever returning my calls or e-mails. Hell, I'm on the other side of the world, when I call or e-mail, can you find three seconds to e-mail me back? At least say, "Um... busy... ttyl." And I'm good.

But, because of my fully active paranoia, my mind always jumps to worse case scenarios, so if I don't hear from you, I'm on my knees praying for my strength to to accept whatever the outcome may be and your safety as well. And then, I wonder, well... "Did I do something?" After convincing myself that of course I did nothing, I wait and wait and wait for them to call. Of course, they don't. It is after maybe a month or so and I decide to up and call again one week, that maybe they will answer and apologize over and over for not being around.

Hmpf. In the meantime, I'm left to wonder about those three seconds. Is it not simple enough to find three seconds to at least e-mail me and say, "Don't worry."

Geez! And don't let me like you and just be crazy about you, then my mind is in a state of steady wonder... "What did I do to piss her off?" "Are we still okay?" "Did I say the wrong thing?"

Anyways, I need to let this out. I'm a bit frustrated... especially when I'm caught up in some triangle shit that I don't want to be in, but I'm not built with the switch to be able to just turn shit off. So in the meantime, I simmer down, and slowly let go.

I gotta go to sleep.
Peace.