She's Sick...

... And I don't know how to make it better. I came over here to surprise her and just be around if she needs me to be. Although the last time she had this illness, she said she was agitated and wanted to be alone. So, I didn't come, per her wishes and to my dismay.

I felt completely helpless and unsure. I'd cut short a trip I'd been looking forward to for months because she called and told me she had gone to the hospital. But on my way back into town, she told me she didn't want me to meet her and that she just wanted to be alone. Now I understand why, but then, I was confused, hurt and a bit angry... I could've still been on my trip, but I wasn't... because of her.

So, now... I'm here. I'm only staying for a little while, but she knows why I'm here. When I was sick and was admitted to the hospital two times and had gone to a clinic four times, she was there, every step of the way. In fact, she and my mother, who lives on the other side of the world, were the only ones there for me. I thought it was over and I was all to ready for that to end, but it stayed with me. For a while after the most severe portions of the illness, remnants of it still remained. So in all, I was sick about seven or eight weeks with about a week and a half break in between.

It was chaos.

But she was there. Cutting time out from other areas in her life just to make sure I didn:t become pneumonic and worst case scenario, die. She cares for me. Truly. And I just want to return even a smidet, if I can of the favor.

So though, she may not want me close to her, I'm still close by if she needs me.

She's My Bunni, and a huge part of the reason I want to stay here longer.

Now, we have our differences and disagreements and fights and boring moments and times, but we also have our comfort with each other, our excitement in anticipation of seeing one another, our laughs and our smiles, our jokes and our highs, our serious talks and not so sincere ones, our joys and our our crys, our trust and our concerns... she likes me, she cares about me and she enjoys me.

I like her, I care about her, I enjoy her as well, and now I want her well. So, I am here, helping in anyway I can... to assist the lady who came into my life and brought me joy.

So, right now she maybe sick, but tomorrow promises of a brighter day.

Peace.

Someone's In My Bed...

... It's been a few months. And, I've gone through so many different phases... still going through, to be honest.

I've finally gotten to the point to where I just don't want to be here anymore. Like, I'm soooooo ready to leave Japan it's not a joke. There's absolutely no bullshitting. I am ready to go.

But...

She's here... in my bed... sleeping... under my covers... and when she awakes... she will watch me... smile at me... and beg me to come to her.

She likes me. And I like her too.

She's sweet, kind, genki! (Japanese for excited, happy, fine, etc.) And she's so into me... I know this because she's told me so. But what surprised me was when I found out we are girlfriends. Yes. Apparently, I've entered into a relationship I didn't know I was in. She was on the phone one day with a friend whom had called her and she said, in Japanese,” “I’m busy with my girlfriend, I have to go. Goodbye.” Totally surprised me and after we talked about it and let more time pass, we talked more and I finally accepted it.

And now she's in my bed.

Dreaming about what only God knows, desiring what only God knows, wanting what only God knows. Because I don't. Our relationship is so new... moved super duper fast, I mean, quite the opposite of slow... that's just how fast it moved. But, after the time we've even spent together, some would say the end justifies the beginning... I do. :)

But the irony is oooohhhhh so clear... I finally have someone who wants to be with me and I want to be with also, but this location is no longer desirable for me. My plan is to seriously be out by November. I have no idea where we will be then. But in these three months since the beginning of the year my savings has only collected a few sprinkles... right now I'm praying hard that I will be out.

But alas... I don't want to leave her... yet in between now and then is quite sometime... let's see what happens. Although it is nice that she's here. I like her in my bed. I'm equally pleased that she likes me in hers as well.

Peace.